I haven't shared here in a long time. Things are going fine for me. I'm working on myself still, dealing with past issues, reading a lot and have lost 5 stone (70 pounds). Feeling good about having a future to look forward to.
I was cleaning out my inbox yesterday (a mammoth task) and came acrosss an email sent to me by my XRABF a few months before we spilt.
I reread it yesterday and was amazed and how searingly obvious the manipulation was, it was just jumping off the page. At the time it made my question myself but now it's just a perfect example of an alcoholics manipulation, deflection and projection. Thought it might help someone to see it.
This email was sent to me by my ex dry drunk boyfriend (18 months no drinking but no program and exactly the same behaviours and attitudes as when drunk) whilst we were still together. It came about after an argument one night. He asked me to go out for a meal with him and because I made excuses because I didn't want to go such as us not having the money to waste he went off his head at my "negativity". I actually didn't want to spend any time with him because he was horrible, moody, emotionally abusive, patronising, belittling etc. I left him to his rage and went to bed and when I got up, this little beauty was in my inbox.
Part of the problem with you is that you live your life through self-help books instead of tackling real life. Those books paint a black and white version of the truth and can be manipulated in to being whatever you want them to be. They are the martyrs bible. Seriously, you need to stop reading them because it's obviously not helping you. If you have to read a self-help book look for "The Power of Positive Thinking". The benefit of that book is that it doesn't look to explain or attempt to change other peoples behaviour but shows you a better way forward for yourself.
You really need to analyse yourself and endeavour to change the things that make you difficult to live with. You don't seem able to see what others see. You have this blame mentality that permeates your whole life with you as the victim at the centre of it. Everything bad happens to Tally but Tally doesn't cause the bad things that happen to her. Don't read up on me but instead read up on your own need to control, your temper, inability to compromise, and why you seek martyrdom instead of making your own life a happy one. If you address all those problems first before trying to tackle mine you'll probably discover that most of what you consider faults in me miraculously disappear or, on the other hand you might find out that we're just not suited.
What this so-called passive aggresive behaviour basically comes down to is me fighting fire with fire. Put in an even more base way it translates to "you be a c*** to me and i'll be one in return to you".
I look at some of my mates lives on facebook and the great relationship they have with their wives and girlfriends and I'm jealous. I see them doing normal things together and I want a part of that too. We have so many issues that need tackling, thats true but it doesn't mean that we can't do some small things together, like going out for a meal. It's something rather than nothing. You got the reaction you did earlier because your negativity is becoming overwhelming. I'm trying to make positive changes in my life by cutting out drinking, smoking, eating healthier and getting fit but there's one big obstacle in making a happy life and that's your lack of positivity. If I was to practice what I preach I would cut away that cancerous part but I actually just want it to be worked on.
Ditch the books and really take a look at yourself and I'll spend some time too working out how I can be a better person. Amazing things could happen
That's what manipulation looks like. xx