posting the above message and posting on 'codependency and beyond' helped me find the skill and wit and guilt to text my mom. I texted her "im working through some problems, i cant always grow in your direction"
Before the sending of this message i got two messages from my dad. hes a pretty poor excuse for a father how i feel now. i dont want to pander to his bouts of sincerity. hes let me down recently over something big and has been critical in the last few months. i refuse to grow towards someone that has emotionally abused me for all these years. atleast until i am over this abuse. thats tough t!!ty on him im sorry. i do care about the guy but he must know hows hes helped me to feel over the years he has to be responsible for it.
i hope my mother passes on the message. sometimes they talk sometimes they dont but if i dont feel comfortable to be emotionally honest then he has to take his share of the responsibility and blame. i am a good man. i wont feel guilty over this
thankyou soberrecovery.com and the ACA forum
Thanks also to any ACA that reads this and indicates so