y Michael is gone
What I post here tonight is the hardest thing I'll ever write...after several years of a very difficult struggle with alcoholism, my dearly beloved husband of 21 years died yesterday. He was only 56 years old. When I met him he was so full of life, love and happy to be alive. I was head over heels in love with him at first site. I had never met such a wonderful person. He made me laugh most of all. we bonded and his children came back to him after his divorce and he stuck very close to his aA meetings on a daily basis. I was also in recovery and we began a great life together. we bought an old house and fixed it up and we were perfectly content and in love and full of gratitude for what we had. He filled my life with a perfect balance. I felt safe,secure, loved, respected and he made me feel good about myself as I did him. we were a great couple and had some of the best times in my life. I do not know how to live in this world with out him now. I am in grief counseling and praying and sticking close to friends and family. I just want all you to know that I never dreamed he'd pick up a drink of alcohol and throw away everything we had but his disease wanted him badly...he fought it over the years but the help I gave him in trying to get him sober was never help he actually asked for. all the detoxs and jail and the VA, no one could help him. he came back to us many times but only for a short period of time. I let go many times and this last time when he really needed the help, I gave it over to God and didnt make him go to the hospital. he died homeless in an old sleezy motel. He overdosed on listerine, he drank it until he went into a coma and never came out of it who knows how long he lied there alone dying. I can't even beleive I'm writing this and sharing this. I just wanted you all to know that this disease wants your loved ones dead and being in love with someone like that is nothing but painful and you worry and have guilt and regrets but I don't today, I did everything I could and now I'm all alone in this world and am fortunate to have friends and I can get on with my life a day at a time. the grief is gripping at my soul right now and the pain is so overwhelming but I know it will pass..
if there is anyone else out there tonight that has lost a loved one from this awful disease, I sure would love to hear from you. I am reaching out desperately for support from this wonderful online community. I dont' know what I 'd do with out you right now. God bless every one of you and the alcoholics in your life. the ending to some of our stories is to the one we wanted. I didn't get what I wanted, I wanted him to be better again. we had 10 years of bliss together and 1o more of pure hell on earth. I have a lot of healing to do now. please pray for the soul of my dearly lost beloved Michael, the light has gone from my life.
I will be okay though. God has a plan for me...Mavis