Sobriety Gets Easier!
Hi Barbie,
I used to black out when I drank and the last time I did, I got into my car & came to in an ICU after colliding head-on with another car. I thankfully did not injure anyone else. You black out too, and sooner or later that can lead to a disaster - it's not something you'll ever be able to control. Ever. Please believe that. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and you'll never be able to revert to being a "normal" drinker.
Yeah, it gets much easier though. If you keep hanging around places/people where drinking goes on, you might eventually give in to temptation. I'd change that asap.
Have you looked up AA meetings where you live? If not, please do...the misery you're feeling will fade with the realization that you're not alone!