Does sobriety get easier?
I've only been sober for two weeks and I'm newly throwing a pity party for myself. Everyone in my ENTIRE life drinks. Its unavoidable, and thats fine, but I just cannot seem to understand why I am the only one with a problem. I was a weekend warrior (and some week days scattered) for 3+ years. i usually could keep it together, but I had a handful of blackouts over that period of time and EVERYTIME I black out I made bad decisions. Whether it be sleeping with someone or just making an ass of myself. Blackout+hookup=disasterly guilt the next day, lowered self esteem, INSANITY! However, I have had a very fun side of me while drinking. And yes, I do drink to get drunk. Not to blackout, but since I cannot control whenever that is going to happen, abstinence seems the only real safe way to live. I am afraid, sad and I feel very naked without being able to party. I have still been going out to clubs?bars to dance and mingle. I am 25 and honestly, I do enjoy that scene. I love to dance and mingle...that scenery provides that for me. I don't even mind not drinking when I am out. However the boring nights, week nights, happy hours, dinners, lounging around time is whats eating away at me. Its like when theres nothing to do, I miss alcohol. I'm rambling...I hate AA....and honestly I really do not know what is happening to me...I feel better about myself because I look?feel better but Im terrified at the same time. Clarity anyone? Does being *not fkked up* get easier? Cause I'm so used to being *fkked up.* =(