I don't know if the A's would count it 'fair', in fact I know XAH doesn't think that it's fair that I've been amenable to seeing my RA uncle or have been accepting of support from an RA friend, but yet I left him (XAH) because he was drinking... He doesn't get the Recovering part - but then he still says he doesn't have a problem.
The relationship with a spouse is different than a relationship with a co-worker, relative, friend, etc. One has different expectations and responsibilities (that's not quite the right word - commitments-?) for a spouse. So it's only normal that our reactions are different.
I'm completely not surprised that I can detach or at least react differently when dealing with my uncle than I did/do with from XAH. I did not have to witness my uncle's drinking on a daily basis. However, I had to deal with XAH's drinking and he expected me to be OK with it on a daily basis, and I dealt directly with the fall out.