you are a brave and courageous lady. It is difficult to let go. I'm glad that you had a good cry. Two weeks ago I cried for a solid 24 hours. Finally, the cable guy came in and told me "you'd quit crying if you listened to different music....that's your problem". Oh....if it weren't only that easy. I did quit crying after that though!
I think in hindsight we always can see where we were vulnerable and overlooked numerous signs. It's hard when one of your assets is to see the good in others....
I have learned so much and know that you have too. Answering your questions really helped me a lot. It is so much easier to extend compassion and understanding to you and see it all with some clarity....than it is to do the same for myself. I know that by answering your questions I was able to step outside of myself and see my own stuff from a place of greater clarity.
Hopefully, you will never have to deal with another alcoholic or drug addict again in your life. I have a knack for finding the addict/alcoholic in the hay stack though. It's helped to work an Alanon program. What I have learned from that is that I have a tendency to "hide" information from myself. Check into some of the information in the sticky's at the top of the forum.....it's just good stuff to be aware of.
Keep me posted on how you are doing. Sending you thoughts and prayers! Donna