Yet Another Newbie
My ABF, or I guess in this state, we are common law married, have split up. I asked him to move out after he went on a 3 day bender that ended very early Sunday morning with me calling the police. He left. He checked into a rehab facility this afternoon. He called me from there and gave me his "code".
The first 2 years we were together, he seemed more of a social drinker, only on weekends and in moderation. Nothing got out of hand. By the third year, things seemed to decline. For awhile I found myself drinking right along with him to find him tolerable when he was drinking. Well, that just led to chaos and fighting. This past year, I have stopped drinking. I have teen boys living at home, and the drama was getting old and dangerous.
ABF, has had a typical pattern over the last 6 months or so. He'll do fine for a few weeks, then go on a 3-4 day bender drinking hidden vodka, lying about it, etc. It usually ends with him going psycho or suicidal in a black out. I guess I told him "last time" twice. Sunday, I meant it. I called the police, which means CPS is now involved even though my one son that was home slept through it all (Thank God!) ABF left. I'll give him credit for that. I won't go into all the horrid things he's done during his black outs. I posted a bit of that on the "normies" thread.
The sad thing is I miss him. He is the kindest, gentlest, thoughtful, witty, intelligent man I've ever met when he's sober. But he's a monster drunk. I hope he gets better.
He got laid off from a very high paying job about 8 months ago. We moved to be closer to my family, and hoping he would find better job opportunities. I found a decent paying job almost 2 months ago. It's high-stress and long hours. I'm pissed off at him for letting me down. He took care of everything at home while I worked, even cooking dinner. It's hard being a single mom. It's definitely something I'm not used to. I spent a good portion of the night trying to figure out our finances and what bills needed paying. He handled all of that. I've created a budget, and it's looking great. Quite a surplus even. We stayed out of debt, both cars paid for, and bought a modestly priced home.
I run on about 6 hours sleep a night. This is my first downtime of the day. I still have 3 loads of laundry to do before bed. At first I wondered how do people do this? I got home from work about 7:30pm. Picked up my kids from the sitter. Watered the flower and herb beds. Cooked, cleaned, worked on the bills and the budget. I even fixed a minor electrical problem. I'm proud of myself. I can do this!
I also have to increase my bi-lingual skills for work, and I attend online school. I'm dropping down to half-time for that, but getting my degree is extremely important to me. I know I'm spreading myself thin, and I hope I don't break under all this pressure. I don't want to lose my job, but this situation has me so stressed that work becomes overwhelming and I practically go into a panic sometimes. I feel like an idiot at work. I have so much to learn. Most of my coworkers are always too busy to help me much, and one is just a complete jerk that seems to intentionally give me wrong information when I ask.
I also wish the best for ABF in his recovery. I'm not sure I'll ever be willing to take him back. I know that's what he's hoping for. I miss the sweet him, not the monster. Anyway, one day at a time and all. Today was hard, but I feel a sense of accomplishment and empowerment that I haven't felt in a very long time.