Hello All:
Today marks three months that I found out about my ex's cocaine and alochol use. I am wondering if at this point is it normal to have so many questions? I have been journaling and praying and I find that I have so many questions, like why? How could you do this to yourself? How could you do this to us? How could you do this to me? Did you really feel that you had nothing to live for? How long has his family known about this? Why didn't I see the signs? How long has this been going on? When will it end? (when will you stop contacting me? How long will this hurt? How can I trust again? When and how do I forgive myself? How could I have let someone like this into my life? Why didn't I do a better job of protecting my heart? After so long why didn't you tell me? If he would have told me would that have made any difference?
In the e-mail that I sent him to tell him to stop contacting me (the police said that I had to officially inform him to stop contacting me) he totally ignored my requests as I knew he would. I asked him very nicely and politely to leave me alone. His response was as if it belonged to another e-mail.... I love you and I miss you, I wish I would have received your call etc.
How long is it going to take for him to get it? How long is it going to take for him to see that contacting me is making things worse and harder for me to heal? When is he going to put me and my feelings first? When will he accept that he has ruined us, and we are over?
I know that its impossible for anyone to know the answers to these questions I am just wondering if this array of questions are normal in this process. I thank you in advance for your words of wisdom in response to this.
