My Turn To Butt In!
Hi Oxymaddened-
Failtaper is, as always, on the mark. Please re-read your posts. To me, it's like you've formed a Plan of Action on continuing your usage by accounting for where you can get a supply/how many/what doses/etc...Nowhere in your posts did you speak of stopping. We all understand too too well how addictive opiates are. We have all gone through the addiction cycle of rationalizing/hiding/denying/planning/binging/feeling guilty. Personally, I was too weak to get off cold turkey and did a very slow taper. I didn't have medical supervision and wasn't "forced" to stop. I simply reached a point that I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. You wrote that you want off of the oxys and that is a starting point, but you have to STOP TAKING THEM at some point.
And yes, it will hurt and you'll hate life for a while, but that passes with time. I also hope you throw out any blank scripts you have; you're playing with fire.
I do hope you stick around SR and read as much as your time allows...I promise you that you'll see your story over and over.