Yup, and that's what it all boils down to. Missing them, grieving the relationship, it's all about the loss of what we hoped would be, what we envisioned in our heads. It's all about facing reality, and the fact that things just aren't going to go how we want them to. I still have weak moments where I want to talk to ex, or open one of his emails, just to see how he is doing, just because I miss those few good things about him-also to see if he finally "got it" and is seeking help. I still have arguments in my head, things I wanted to say, new ways I have come up with to explain the things that even when I was leaving he said he still didn't understand. But these are all codie behaviors for me... it never goes well, and when I succumb to these desires, i always regret it later. Always.
These internal conversations are progress, I like to think, because it is in our heads, and not in an email or text message heading to their inbox. As long as I don't act on those impulses, i'm okay. It's a feeling, this desire to talk to them, to communicate with them, hoping things will be different. And reminding myself, when it happens, that it's just a feeling - maybe i'm having a bad day, or something triggered a memory- and especially reminding myself that as with most feelings, it will pass. And eventually the internal conversations will stop as well, at least that's what I tell myself. And they are getting fewer and fewer.