Welcome!
I remember having been in your spot, and my experience as of today tells me that so far on this thread you've received some great words of wisdom.
Remember: You did not Cause this,
You cannot Control it,
You cannot Cure it.
Be gentle with yourself first and give yourself the patience you deserve, and more will reveal itself to you. 12-Step Study for Recovery is very important for US, the family members of the alcoholic and/or addict. It's been my lifesaver.