Bikewench there was a time in my recovery when I made that connection... was I pissed!!! I felt like I had been living in reaction for my entire life up until then when all along I thought I had been making conscious choices. What a blow to the old ego! I collapsed like a house of cards. It took me a while to understand that I couldn't stay there so I had to make myself get out of the pity pot and begin the slow task of rebuilding. I felt betrayed my myself...if I couldn't trust myself who could I trust??
I learned that it is only my perception that I can't trust and to this day I don't. I doubt I will ever be able to trust that part of me. We are as affected by our environment as much or more than genetics IMO.
My hopes, dreams, wishes and expectations were dashed routinely all my life but I kept carrying them around, holding them out and getting them dashed all over again. Doing the same things over and over expecting different results.
Early in recovery I did as I was told pretty blindly. I didn't accept the "expectations being premeditated resentments" party line one bit. I am a wife and a mother and should be able to expect certain things from my husband and child. Having boundaries and having expectations are not the same thing. In time I came to believe that when I expected nothing everything is a gift.
In some ways, to me, expectations are alot like trying to control...they don't change the outcome and they only cause me pain.
Hugs,
JT