You certainly have been going through a tough time.
You don't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic. When I say I'm powerless over alcohol, it means that once I pick up the first drink I have no way of controlling it. I may just have one, but most likely I won't be able to stop at all. I'm sober thanks to AA.
There's no way you can control you wife's drinking, nothing you can say or do that will affect it. If she's an alcoholic then the bottle calls the shots. But you must take care of yourself. I strongly recommend Al-Anon, a 12 Step program for people related to, married, in a relationship with an alcoholic. At least you'll find other people who have the same situation you do ... it's too lonely to take this big a problem on alone....