what about my depression, my saddest, my crap of a life, what's gonna change that
What is going to change that is 1)stop drinking. 2) See your doctor (anti-d's don't work if one is drinking) 3) Get to some meetings. 4) Find a sponsor. 5) If need be also get yourself a therapist that specializes in addictions. (fortunately most of them have a fee schedule that is on a sliding scale, since addiction plays he!! with our finances).
You have been told all of the above in every thread you have posted. Have you taken even one of the above steps yet?
Love and hugs,