only YOU can control what you do and how you deal with circumstances...you are self-diagnosing and self-medicating since October, 2010.
you come here, beg for help, vent (which is good), then you state your crisis of the day and disappear, it's always someone else's "fault"....we carry on the thread with out you for a few days...while you do whatever and you do not respond or interact...
Lather, rinse repeat.....if nothing changes, nothing changes...I won't comment on your past postings...you have to live with yourself...If you want to like yourself, you have try to find some common sense and seek help IRL.