I drank because my life was on hold, my Dad left me when I was 4 and never came back, I was lonely, my marriage sucks, my only sister died a horrible lingering death from a brain tumor age 34, I get depression sometimes, etc etc etc. That was me and my life.
I can't fix any of those things. The only thing I could fix was my drinking. When I quit the drinking, the depression improved and I could SEE clearly and THINK clearly. I no longer feel depressed, although none of those above things have changed. I have changed my approach to how I live my life and how life treats me. I no longer sit and sob about how life has dealt me a bad hand...because it hasn't. I'm here, I'm breathing, I'm living, and I'm happy. Drinking made me SO depressed.
Please, you have to stop this. Go and get some help, because you CAN change things around. We can't fix you, either. You have to do it yourself, and we can't literally hold your hand in that first step, YOU have to do it. What do you really want to do?