(((Pink))) - I turned to drugs to deal with a really dysfunctional relationship (then went on to get involved with two MORE dysfunctional guys). I was totally miserable and did attempt suicide a few times (obviously unsuccessful, as I'm still here)
It wasn't until I stopped the crack (my DOC) that I started looking at why I allowed someone else to make me feel so miserable. I'd been emotionally abused for so long, I had no self esteem, believed in all the horrible things I'd been told, and had to start over.
It wasn't easy, but in time, I rediscovered myself. SR doesn't seem to be enough for you. There is a wealth of help, out there, you just have to reach out for it. If something doesn't seem to work, try something else. My recovery plan is a mish-mash of things I've found that work for me.
Drinking isn't helping you deal with this, it's simply keeping you chained to your present circumstances.
I pray that you get sick enough of what is going on that you find your way to make things better.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy