Find a way to stop drinking and your depression will be manageable. It may not disappear, but you'll be in a place where you can proactively seek to treat it.
Stop drinking and you may find that your "crap of a life" isn't so awful, that it just needs repair and for you to be a more vital part of it. You have kids whom you obviously love, so it's not all a wash.
Sadness is inherent to living, we all must find ways to live and deal with it, and if we're lucky, we can find ways to allow it to make our overall experience richer and fuller. My hunch is that your sadness is greatly illuminated and exacerbated by the drinking - stop drinking and you can start to deal with what's really going on. Pain is inevitable, suffering is not.
Originally Posted by
pinkfirefly 
what's gonna change that
You. You, and only you, can change all of that.