Originally Posted by
skippernlilg 
For my bio-father and my recent live-in partner, I found out that the reason a 12-step program is so helpful for the alcoholic is not necessarily the quitting drinking part. It helps them learn to live sober. Taking their sobriety to a whole new level and learning to live life to its fullest is the value of AA.
My boyfriend chose to do what your AH is trying to do now. Sure, he quit drinking. But, he still lived the behavior of an alcoholic (a dry drunk). Pretty soon, it was too overwhelming for him, and he started drinking again. He has since moved out, and he has communicated with me occasionally. He is miserable. I think if he finds AA, he may find his salvation. That's up to him.
For my side of the road, I have been attending Al-anon, reading Al-anon books, and getting a closer relationship with my HP. I feel healthy and like I'm on the right path now. Getting my physical health back to normal has been a challenge. It now looks like we have the right balance of health going forward in my home.
I wish you peace.
My EXABF also chose the same path-no AA because,according to him, he "does not want to be in the same room day after day with te same toxic people." Sure, I could retort back, saying that he is one of those toxic people....but I didn't I let him choose his own path. He was a dry drunk, still is and IMHO, still in denial over all of it. Again, I have to accept that.
Like you
skippernlilg, I attend Al-Anon - have been all along which has been my salvation. Without the program, meetings, friends, I could not have done this.
My health has suffered in the fact that I have gained over 40lbs and slowly, the right way, I am working it off. It's a struggle - the weight, missing the EX, but knowing that I can't force a solution - for him-he has to find his own way in the world I only work on myself.