It's good that al-anon stories scared you. Frankly, I go there for peace and comfort, but if you hear scary stories, then great. It might help shake you into action. My sister wasted 30 yrs of her life with 2 alcoholic exh's. I hate to see anyone else do the same. It's soul sucking. They are like leeches. For now your alcoholic can stilll be sober at times enough to be charming and nice but alcoholism is progressive. At some point, that will stop. Do you really want to be around for that?
Keep going back to al-anon. It works if you work it.
Originally Posted by
Florence 
Oh you guys, thank you for talking about this today. I went to my first Al-Anon meeting the other day and had an epiphany. I don't want to talk down Al-Anon or imply that I'm better than anyone at all. It's just that some of the stories told in that meeting scared me inside-out. I don't want to be married to an active alcoholic for 40+ years in order to "preserve" my marriage. I don't want to take on my husband's addiction as MY identity. I don't think it's progress to learn how not expect normal behavior from a spouse. Hell, I don't want to have to be in a support group just to survive my marriage. No way, not my life, I don't want it.
So I left the meeting resolved in what I need to do, continue to plan to leave the relationship, but come home to AH who isn't using (at the moment) and who is cute and charming and funny and find myself regretting my resolve and thinking well, maybe it isn't time yet. Making excuses as to why I should stay in this thing. Even though I know it's temporary. Even though I know he's reeling me back in as part of the addictive pattern so he can use me and my affection for him to preserve his addiction that much longer.
My lizard brain and my rational brain are in this argument and I'm not sure which side I'm rooting for.
THAT is insanity.