This goes well with what I just said in my feeling like a mess post. I know what I am doing is trying to make AH be what he "should" be to fit into my dream of being able to stay home more of the time and homeschool my kids, while my husband works full time and is more responsible. I actually said all this to AH today, that I cannot and have no right to make him be who I want him to be. OTOH though I do not have to be married to someone who is so different from my dream, either.