This post sent a chill down my spine. It is scary. Just as scary as reading about alcoholics who drive drunk.
I'm grateful that both you and your ex were not hurt. I'm also grateful that you didn't kill someone else! I just can't help but think about all the innocent mothers, fathers, children, and grandparents who could have been unfortunately driving by you that night.
I'm an ACA and I haven't lived with an alcoholic in quite sometime. I hit my ACA "bottom" when I noticed how my behavior was affecting those that I love.
I spent so much of my life blaming my alcoholic father for most of my problems. If he was a better father, I would have turned out differently and my life would be better. Even with him out of the picture, my mother, sister, brother, and I were able to keep the dysfunction going. Can't tell you how many times a member of my family would "trigger" me and make me depressed for days/weeks at a time.
So my bottom was when I noticed how I was affecting my children. I have no idea who was making me feel crazy at the time. It could have been my family of origin, a co-worker, the latest drama at church, ... there were literally tons of things that would trigger me. I remember storming off to my room and then seeing a look of fear/concern in my children's eyes. They were probably around 5 and 8 at the time. That's when I knew that I needed help.
Thanks to the 12-steps, I now truly believe that I didn't cause my father to drink and that there was nothing that I could have done to cure or control what he did.
Similarly, I have learned that others can't make me feel or do things. Somewhere along the way I started to take responsibility and be accountable for my actions. To use a phrase from the ACA literature, I am becoming an actor rather than a reactor. It is helping me find serenity in my life.
ACA, Al-Anon, and therapy is helping me along this path.
Thank you for sharing your story and for letting me share.
db