Originally Posted by
crittery 
Wow, I can relate here. Especially the last part. I'm always kind of hoping that I won't wake up, and when I do I just want to get drunk or high. Then there's all the health problems that come with it and it just makes it all worse. I just want to go back to when I was a kid, where things were simple and I was happier. I really can't see how I can fix my screwed up mind into not worrying about stuff and just being happy.
Just when I think I'm finally happy something minor happens and then I end up depressed over nothing really.
That was spot on. I feel like that. Lately I just want to sleep and I always wake up feeling bad and like I really want to drink or do something to numb my constant emotional pain, but my health issues that I have gotten from that are bad enough that I really can't afford to do that anymore.
It's a vicious cycle of feeling bad sober, knowing that I will destroy my health even more with drinking but still wanting to do it, and just never feeling good.