Hi Instant-
Congrats on your 10 days! We've all been there and thanks for posting here on SR.
I contemplate what I intend to do differently this time.
Bravo! I simply had to change who I was or the same me will drink again and again and again. Maybe this is true with you too?
I also wonder if the fact that I do not want to say I am powerless over alcohol. I readily admit the only power I seem to have is the decision not to start drinking (and I have enough trouble with that, as my history attests). I have never beaten alcohol by trying to control it (rules, conditions, limits, alcohol free days etc etc)
I have no issue with the fact that my life has become unmanageable.
It sounds like you've got step 1, in AA, pretty much down. Maybe go back and re-read your post. I think you've actually got a great understanding of AA's step 1.
But how important is the higher power in recovery?
In my opinion of myself and my friends in AA, there is no recovery without a higher power. I lived for my own will for how long? ...and what were the results? Living for a power greater than myself has made all the difference in my recovery.
GREAT post and you're really working through some very important aspects of recovery.
Keep up the good work!
Kjell~