how important is a higher power in recovery?
I am about to go to bed after a successful completion of day 10. This is a good place to be. I am taking it a day at a time, my mind has turned to previous times when I have gone back to drinking. I contemplate what I intend to do differently this time.
Is the fact that I refuse to use the term "alcoholic" part of my problem ( in truth I do not apply this term to others either) but I am happy to think of myself as addicted and being highly prone to addiction (and this will never change, ongoing drinking will lead to a further degradation and disintegration etc).
I also wonder if the fact that I do not want to say I am powerless over alcohol. I readily admit the only power I seem to have is the decision not to start drinking (and I have enough trouble with that, as my history attests). I have never beaten alcohol by trying to control it (rules, conditions, limits, alcohol free days etc etc)
I have no issue with the fact that my life has become unmanageable.
But how important is the higher power in recovery? It does feel different for me this time- and it seems underneath the usual emotional stuff, I do feel I have surrendered, the vulnerability is not denied- maybe I have a fuller acceptance this time of the gravity of my situation, and that there is only one way forward.
I woke up this morning and my first thought was 'Oh no' and I had a memory of the previous nights drinking, it was an instant of devastation, until I realised it wasn't true.............