Joan: I agree with Laurie...step back.
As a mother of 4 Adult Children, I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to organize family get togethers, especially after their father died.
Everyone, was so dysfunctional (especially me w/ my control issues) that it was a disaster almost every time. Then when my AC(s) began bringing heavy drug use into the picture, my oldest did not want to come to any get-togethers anymore.
It hurt that my family couldn't even get together for special holidays. However, I am now beginning to realize that if my ACs want a family gathering, they will have to plan it and invite me.
I realize its easy to say and hard to do when it comes to your adult children,
huggs