Originally Posted by
hope2be 
It's better than I thought it would ever be, but I think it is because I am constantly reading up on codie issues, which keeps the focus on me.
You found the elusive key! It unlocks the secret world of healthy boundaries and how to maintain/protect them
You said you keep trying to hand the granddaughter issue over to HP. Something I've learned about trying is that, for me, it means I'm not fully committed, like it's an experiment. The outcome reminds me of the old saying "what we resist, persists". You may not be hearing any feedback from HP because you might still be in a proverbial tug of war.
Keep
doing, hope2be, and all the answers will come, everything will work out as it should for you