Hi Hope2be,
Sounds like you are doing very well with everything going on. You said you still slip sometimes...remember Progress Not Perfection. =)
I know it must be tough to let your AD take the Mother role of your Grandaughter, and your right, you probably will not ever feel as if she is *ready*. That, I believe, is part of our character as Codies.
Is your Grandaughter in danger by being with your AD? Is she using right now, going to meetings ect....? I think I would take those things into count for sure.
Hugs to you...