You get past it with Alanon, SR, and leaving her-- not necessarily in that order. You have suffered for three years, I suffered for 7. I'm telling you now you don't want four more years of it, or more. In my opinion it's just not worth it.
Is there even one thing she's doing that indicates to you she's going to stop?
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
P.s. Leaving her cost me a house. It was worth it. Good God was it worth it. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
P.p.s. Staying with her cost me three cars and two houses. Staying with her was not worth it. I'd never do it again, and I'll never buy a house with a woman again (I'll rent out my house and buy another place with her, I'll rent out my house and live with her in her house, or we can rent a house together, but never will my house become part of the mix again-- ever). Also, going forward my car is mine, her car is hers, and never the twain shall meet-- ever.