Originally Posted by
bruingirl 
thank you Tuffgirl for the nice thing you had to say!
i know it will just take some time to adjust. i still feel very scared and sick to my stomach sometimes about it (
how can he sleep at night? i woke up in the middle of the night because i wonder about it and im on the OTHER side) but now i KNOW that im not at fault for a lot of what happened and that means the start of my recovery. because at least i no longer have to question what did I DO to cause this? any longer. he was clearly making up a lot my "issues" just to get out of the relationship.
the other girl messaged me and said she had told him about our conversation. said he was pretty angry with her but that she would try to direct his anger at her instead of me. finally ended up messaging me that she was going to defriend me (even though earlier on the phone she thought it was completely fine that we were friends on fb) because he kept telling her to. and so there the anger and controlling and the manipulation begins all over again. psycho assho**. poor girl.
sidenote: have i mentioned shes not even of drinking age....i just want to wait and see how when she starts drinking that too is gonna become an "issue" for xabf and things wont be so dandy and sweet again either. what is he gonna do? make a run for it again and cheat. what a d***.
He sleeps well at night because he's passed out. You see, he doesn't feel. That's the power of addiction. That's what is so great about alcohol. It anesthetizes your feelings. Have a problem? Drink. Feel guilt? Drink. Anger? Drink. Feelings magically go away until the high wears off. And then they do it again. And again. Wash, rinse, repeat. This may go on for many, many more years.
You are very good to recognize the pattern here early. You are most likely spot on with what will happen next. Be grateful it won't be with you. I know it hurts and it sucks and so on...but you'll look back someday and realize this was a huge favor. Now you have the chance to find a man you can trust who will be there for you, treat you well, and you can safely and contently have a life and family with. This guy is on a road to nowhere.
It's very sad watching someone make choices you know are not good choices. That for me has been the hardest part of this journey.
You cared about this guy and he hurt you. You're grieving the loss of the dream. It's ok to feel bad; ride it out. Tell yourself everyday - write it down if you need a reminder - that when one door closes, another opens. I've now lived long enough to see this in action.
P.S. I like to do small but seemingly drastic things after a break up...color or cut my hair, buy some new clothes that are not my "style", change my route to work (or find a whole new job) - just change something. It feels like making a fresh start.