Very early days, and to think I never thought I had a problem...
Hi!
Not sure if i'm allowed to babble on here but I have read a lot of posts, some really good advice and I felt the need to write my thoughts down....they're keeping me awake, again.
I never really thought I had a drinking problem. Just a relaxation technique is how I explained it away.
It started when I moved away from my parents into my own home 11 years ago (or maybe it was before, I really can't remember), I think the stresses of moving exacerbated the problem. It started with beer, 4-5 cans a night (1 pint cans) and that went on for a few years, with binge drinking on spirits, cocktails etc at the weekends.
Over the last 7 years, I have tried and in some ways failed to build a business. Very stressful times, bad staff, bad management in some cases but stress...
My wife and I used to drink 1-2 bottles of wine between us a few nights a week which was bad enough but in recent times (and that's as specific as I can be) it has come down to her not drinking sometimes or even most (not sure...) and me necking 2 bottles of white wine, or rose, or red....
Come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I just had a couple of beers....self control is none existent.
In saying that, I never drink in the morning or during work....but as soon as I get home...
A couple of times in the past, I have given up drinking but I think 1 month was the longest I lasted....during that month we maybe still had a bottle on a Saturday night but that didn't concern me. What does is that it always slips back to this crap.
For some time I have been worried about my health, worried for my daughter (7 next week) and how she might not have a dad or the one she remembers was always drunk in his spare time.
So after Friday drinking 2 bottles of wine, Saturday 2 bottles of wine, Sunday, 4 beers and 2 bottles of wine, I don't know why but I decided enough is enough.
Rather than my empty promises to myself, or my "cutting down" plan which never works. I simply stopped. Tuesday 17th, no more drinking.
Tuesday night was "itchy"....tense, irritable and itching to get something - habit I guess.
Wednesday and Thursday were really bad, talk about on edge, grumpy, tired, biting the wife's head off...horrible
Friday started bad but then really picked up, today was my daughters birthday party so we went out for a meal after. The wife had a couple of glasses of wine, I stuck to my fizzy water.
I know it isn't that easy. I keep wondering how long it will be before I can control what I drink, I also know I don't think I can which leads me to the inevitable must not drink again conclusion. But for some reason, that bothers me, yet I can't put any logical reasoning behind that.....
Not sleeping is not good...sorry for rambling