Originally Posted by
wywriter 
Thanks, skippernlilg -- thankfully (and I never thought I'd be saying THAT) I don't have primary custody of my son, so he's not subjected to it very often. My husband drinks the most in the evenings, usually after or just before my son goes to bed. The drinking is what has kept me from appealing the custody decision (I couldn't afford a lawyer at the time it went through, talk about a train wreck).
I have worried about the legal implications of living with him, and I need to find the applicable laws because unfortunately that worry has kept me from calling emergency medical services for my husband when I probably should have. I have talked to him about staying outside of the house when he's drinking, and even done "comparison shopping" for hotels with monthly rates...there's one halfway across our (small) town that's $450 a month. I don't yet have a plan of enforcing it so maybe I shouldn't have said anything yet, but working on that bit. I love him and will gladly have him home when he's sober, but I also know that I can't ask him or expect him to quit.
Well, *not* seeking help for a person in that condition may be considered irresponsible, neglectful, and unreasonable behavior by any court considering custody and/or visitation for your children. (let alone in general) If you think your 5 year old hasn't noticed because he's not always there, you're really kidding yourself.
I'm not trying to be harsh at all. I'm actually sharing a whole lot of my experience here. I work as a child advocate in my state, and boy was I horrified to see myself in a situation that would be deemed untenable in any child custody court. I had to make the hard decision that is advised by guardian ad litems all over the country. From my own home. It terrified me to know I *know* better and still found myself there.
What brought me to the conclusion I'm at today is that I can be a parent to a child who is actually a CHILD, but not for a grown adult. The decisions for ABF's care, whether he's passed out, going through doors, crawling along the floor, and the like are really up to him. He has the education and the resources to get better. He's not at the point to get better, and I didn't cause it, can't control it, and I certainly can't cure it.