Oh my Gosh...this so sad! I can honestly say that altho the concept confused me in the beginning it felt good to let go of expectations. It felt right. I was in LESS pain as I got better at it.
When I stopped expecting Ward to fill my every need and started filling them myself it seemed that whatever he did do was that much more special. When I stop expecting the Beav to act in ways that he is not capable of doing it causes me less pain. Yes that means sometimes having to see someone for who they really are and maybe for the first time. That can hurt...for a little while. But it sure beats expecting something I am not going to get year in and year out.
Today if the Beav has a kind word it is a jewel. If I expected that from him I would #1 miss the beauty of the moment and #2 spend a whole lot of time waiting miserably for it to happen.
A saying in Alanon is "You don't go to a hardware store expecting to buy a loaf of bread" It is the same thing as expecting another person to behave in ways that they never have.
Hugs,
JT