Originally Posted by
longwayhome 
how do you cope with the guilt of leaving? I don't want to deny my kids the chance to know their father but I may need to move to be nearer my family while I get back on my feet. we're already separated, but I'm thinking of moving farther away ... I don't know ... alcoholic husband just lost his job and has not visited us in a month. not for my birthday. not for mother's day. the kids are starting to ask questions. and yet I'm afraid of hurting the guy by announcing I'm done. when I try to talk to him about what I'm thinking, he's always too depressed or too anxious or too busy with work and claims I'm kicking him when he's down. am I? I feel paralyzed with indecision and living in limbo, living for the kids completely. how to get my own life?
You will need to speak with an attorney about moving, how far away, etc., and what you will be able to do. There's a lot there so don't make any decisions because there are legal aspects here.
As far as being afraid of hurting the guy -- I hear you. Start going to al anon meetings. You need to get a handle on "focusing on yourself" and making healthy decisions for you and your children -- as opposed to "hurting the guy" so to speak. That's all part of you getting healthy.
It's the same as you feeling you are kicking him when he's down. Changed attitudes can aid and bring about recovery -- meaning if you change YOUR attitudes then YOU can and will recover. Not his recovery, but YOURS. Not him, YOU!!!
It's not a destination. It's a journey. It's a process. Begin now and good luck.