Hi grizz.
I'm happy to see you posting again but sad that they're under similar circumstances as before. You're not sure what to do. Sometimes you don't have to do anything, at least as it relates to your AW. Don't fool yourself by thinking you're aren't doing anything because no matter how small it may seem, you are back here posting about your situation and that is doing something and you're doing it only for yourself.
Your own recovery takes time. Not all the pieces fall in place immediately. Some of them just kinda sort themselves out for better or worse.
You said that you would part waters for her if you could. That rang a bell for me. I first learned the 3 cs, which I think you already know. The next thing someone wrote was that we are not God. No matter your preference, you can't part waters for her. I thought I could for my AW but it doesn't work that way. For me, I learned that my AW needed to do her own growth. I let her drown in it. I no longer sat around feeling like I failed my wife. She failed herself along with me and my boy. She stirred the waters and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to calm it down. Guess what? I learned/am learning how to calm my own waters and it's very empowering. I fall down but at least I'm getting back up.