Originally Posted by
grizz 
Hi all,
I know that it has been awhile, but I have been doing a lot of reading on the sidelines. I thought that life was getting a lot better. The wife and I were getting along well. We are anticipating building a new house, making some long term dreams/plans. etc. But I know that just under the surface life is still stormy. I have been working a ton of hours lately, both days and nights so I have been a bit out of pocket at home. Right now I am working nights and I get a call. Right away I know that she has had more than her usual bottle of wine a night. She is crying on the phone telling me how unhappy she is, but that is all right since the kids (all older ) and I are all happy. That she is willing to give up her dreams if that means that we are getting and having what we (the rest of the family) need. I am a fixer by nature and have been doing all I can to keep the waters calm. I have read about being a codie. What is that? I love this woman to death and would part the water for her if I could. I just dont know what to do any more....
thanks for listening to the blather
grizz
grizz, it's not blather. That said, it's tough. It is certainly not easy grizz. As much as I hate to say it, but the 1000lb. gorilla in the room is that she is drinking. Everything can be heightened, exacerbated, etc., because of drinking. That makes it worse or impossible to deal with. Yes, many of us -- me included -- are fixers by nature. However, remember the 3 C's -- you didn't
cause it, you can't
control it and you certainly can't
cure it. So your love makes you want to do it more.
Part of keeping the waters calm as you call it, is learning to not enable her. That, along with detachment are often the hardest things to do. It is extremely counterintuitive to your emotions, heart, feelings, etc.