I hear you. Been there done that. It's part of the 'ism's so to speak. The "let me be completely honest" approach. After being in al anon for a long time, and my experience living and dealing with this, has shed some light on these aspects.
I've learned that, in part, sometimes, this is an effort at some hollow sincerity. It's them fooling themselves that they are OK and being open and honest. Then, if you don't do what they want, or they don't get what they want, they can then blame you. This type of behavior also, sometimes, allows the alcoholic to have some rational (their rational) thoughts and that what they are saying is viable, justified, right, etc. -- and that you will believe them. More of the sickness.
I want to compliment you on the clarity you were able to see -- that none of the solutions involved AA. Stay strong and keep up the good work . . . on yourself.