(((Bobbie))))
Welcome to SR! So glad you have found us.
I have been addicted to xanax...I used pain pills the most..but wasn't prejudiced against anything to 'calm' mje. to make the pain more bearable...to make me forget all the trouble that was my life. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote..the diagnoses, the hellish life...never feeling calm....and I used myself right into ahell even worse than the original pain. Many people with PTSD and depression abuse drugs to help with the pain. But good news. There IS help, and hope...I used pills since I was 10 yrs old..I am 32 now and been clean a few months..and am working on facing all my fears and living life on life's terms. There is a better way through all this.
Defintely, please do seek medical help for this. I think a specialist would be optimal....if you have the means please do so. If you have to see your PC do that...don't stop reaching out for help! It is available....NA works miracles for many..there is SMART recovery, all kinds of options available to you. I don't have a name for the program I work......Alot of cognitive behavioral stuff..challenging all the thought processes that led me to seek chemicals to cope in the first place.....anything I can find that is relevant and works...I work it!
I hope you continue to post here, and to also seek the medical help and support in person you will need. Again, welcome to SR..you will find sincere friendship here and invaluable support.
It CAN get better..you can choose life. hang in there, okay?
((((((((((((Warm, Welcoming Hugs)))))))))))))))))