Another Topic: Expectations
Expectations can be killers.
If we hold on to unrealistic expectations we are setting ourselves up to be victims. One example is expecting an active alcoholic to not drink. If the expectation is not met your day is ruined.
Another example is expecting any one person to meet all of your needs. That is not only a burden on the other person, it is bound to fail leaving you once again feeling like a victim.
It is way too easy to confuse expectations with needs. Suddenly you need them to quit drinking in order for you to be happy. That is simply not the case.
I had to look at my expectations early in recovery and adjust them to something that was much more real. Ward and the Beav have flaws and so do I. I had to learn what my needs were and take responsibility for making sure they were met.
Expectations can be lethal for a relationship. When we were younger Ward played sports and going to the bar afterward is part of it. I chose to make that personal...I expected him to come home...I needed him to come home....if he didn't come home when I asked him to he didn't love me. I knew he wasn't doing anything more than acting macho with his friends...I chose to turn it into much more than it was.
Thought?
JT