Today, I know the true meaning of gratitude. I never really did when I was drinking. Through the process of getting sober, I have discovered the true meaning of gratitude. I have been grateful for each sober day and the process and growth of recovery. I have found the simple things in life are what matter to me and the bare essentials provided through hard work are enough to keep my happy.
While drinking, I lost 3 jobs in 3 years. I then experienced unemployment for 2 years. This gave me plenty of free time to drink, and that I did. I turned into a drinking machine. I drank until I passed out, woke up, and the first thing I reached for was a drink. My days blurred into the nights and nights into the days with no beginning or end. I was on a drinking schedule, not one with the "normal" world. My days consisted of planning my booze, buying it, and then drinking it. Rinse repeat. It was a horrible existence and the day finally came where I had had enough and sought help.
I worked on my recovery and then it was time to enter into the working world. Living in a small town, I was worried and concerned about rebuilding trust and my reputation. I was so ashamed and embarrassed from my past drunken job experiences. I finally got my shot and went to work for a community college in a men's correctional facility. I loved my job and the work I did. I recently lost my job of 6 years due to budget cuts.
I was picked up to work for the Department of Corrections, but part-time only. I've been searching for full-time work and seeking viable options. With our state being 800 million in depth, jobs are scare. There were hopes of my job becoming full time, but that has fallen through. There were a few possible openings, but those too fell through. Part-time just doesn't cut it and I was on the verge of panic, bringing back old memories of not being able to make ends meet, and entering back into that struggle scared me. I hate what money can do to us. Having money may not buy happiness, but it does afford peace of mind. Lack there of creates much worry and stress.
Over a month ago I applied for a position in a correctional work camp continuing in the same line of work in DOC. I got an interview and then a second. I've been waiting to hear from them when the other job options fell through. My idea was that if I didn't get the job applied for, at least I had plan B and C. When those fell through, I started to get that panicky feeling, but clung to hope and faith.
I just got word that I got the job I interviewed for. What a relief. I am so grateful for the opportunity to go back to full-time work. It came in the nick of time. I only had a few months where I felt the budget cuts and can recoup quickly. I know that now, but the thought of going back to financial struggles drudges up horrible memories of years back when I was drinking.
I know I didn't create the loss of my job. If I didn't create the problem or add unnecessary drama, what can you do? Nothing. It is life and you never know what life will hand you. It is how you handle it that matters. Overall, I think I did pretty well up until the point of having my backup plans fall through.
I'm reminded of the true meaning of gratitude. I'm reminded that these opportunities would never be achievable if I hadn't gotten and stayed sober. I have been able to regain trust, responsibility, and competency. Since my sobriety I have been shown over and over again that this to shall pass and the dark days will fade away. Being able to bounce well is a wonderful thing.
Faith and hope will get me through my fears. As long as I stay on track and live a healthy life, things will work out in the end. I may not always like the hand I'm dealt, but I know there is a solution. I have found it through sobriety and I am so grateful for finding it. My life was tragic before. Most by my own hand, some not. Today, I am amazed by the contrast.
Gratitude...takes on a new meaning once you have lived through h*ll and can define the real appreciation for sobriety.
