I was where you are now, feeling pretty helpless and wondering where to start, how was I going to piece it back together again, but am now a year and a half sober - I never thought I would get there but did so a day at a time.
It sounds like you have really hit a bottom emotionally. Get all the support that you can. Even though we can get to the point where we know what drinking does to us, this is an illness that is very difficult to fight through willpower alone, even with the best resolutions.