My RAXBF (3 yrs sobriety, 7 yrs in program) acts like an alcoholic. I mistakenly thought that a person with that much sobriety would kind of have an idea about who they are and what they want. But he totally does the Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde thing. It is pretty nuts.
Long story short: He asked me to take him back after we had been broken up for a couple of months. I love him very much, I said okay, we'll talk about it and I am happy with taking him back, I want him to be in my life, I love him. My heart, though a little guarded, was truly overjoyed.
Four days later he decided that as bad as he wanted to be the person that could have a relationship, he couldn't. He wanted to be with me, but he just ain't ready. So he broke up with me AGAIN!
I can't believe I fell in love with a totally psycho A. I felt like I was doing really good with taking care of myself and being independent and whatnot, and now I am back to scraping myself up from the floor and wow do I ever feel really really hurt and untrusting.
I truly believe that there is an awesome lesson for me to learn here, and I don't want this to ruin my outlook on life and love. People come into our lives for a reason, and I have reaped many many benefits from this relationship and friendship. I believe it has simply run it's course. Part of me wants to wait for him to mature a little, and part of him wants me to wait for him, but as with the whole releasing the bird thing, I just ahve to live my life
I divorced my AXH, but I really feel like there hadn't been any love there for a long time, it was awful, but it didn't hurt my heart like this...
Maybe this helps me to understand how my children must feel betrayed by their dad they love so much.
That I would CHOOSE this man to be in my life... haha
Right now, I am just trying to let my HP direct my life and go with the flow
Hey my world seems a little better now. Thanks for listening
