Ha-I wrote this over a year ago--after one of our break ups... this thread kinda reminded me of it. I never sent it to my A--it was way too full of anger and emotion... but it DID feel GREAT to type out...
YOU ARE AN EMOTIONAL *****... SO QUIT SPENDING YOUR "HARD-EARNED" MONEY ON YOUR PSYCHOANALYST YOU HAVE TO SEE MULTIPLE TIMES A WEEK AND JUST GROW SOME BALLS! THE TRUTH IS YOU ARE A WEAK SOUL THAT WILL ATTACH ITSELF TO ANYTHING THAT GIVES YOU ATTENTION, LIKE A 12-YEAR-OLD BOY STILL PINING AWAY FOR THAT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE YOU LOST.
GROW SOME BALLS, LIKE YOUR COLLEGE FRIENDS TOLD YOU TO DO... LIKE EVERYONE WANTS TO TELL YOU BUT CANT BECAUSE YOUR EMOTIONS ARE SET IN A MINE-FIELD SET UP BY YOUR ABUSED MOTHER.
SO QUIT THINKING THOSE "GOOD FEELINGS" YOU GET FROM WEED, ALCOHOL, AND THE NEW FRIENDS YOU FIND THAT WILL LISTEN TO YOUR SOB STORY ARE REAL. THEY AREN'T. THE ATTENTION YOU GET, THE ONE THAT TICKLES IN THE BEGINNING BECAUSE YOU'RE AS MATURE AS A 12-YEAR-OLD... YOU KNOW THAT THEY'LL GO AWAY AS SOON AS THE HIGH COMES DOWN, YOU GUILTILY WAKE UP FROM YOUR NEXT HANG-OVER, OR YOUR NEW FRIEND STARTS GETTING SICK OF HAVING TO CONVINCE YOU THAT "LIFE ISN'T SO BAD". IT'S ALL JUST DISTRACTIONS BECAUSE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE OR SOMETHING TO EXCUSE YOUR SAD STATE OF EXISTENCE.
GROW SOME BALLS. TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY. AND START REALIZING THAT EXPERIENCES AREN'T JUST IN YOUR HEAD--THAT YOUR ACTIONS SET-UP A WHOLE CHAIN OF EVENTS THAT IMPACT THE REST OF THE ENERGIES VIBRATING IN THIS UNIVERSE! BRING SOME FREAKING LIGHT AND GOODNESS INTO THIS WORLD... INSTEAD OF SUCKING IT ALL UP IN YOUR IMMATURE QUEST TO FEEL SELFISHLY CONNECTED.
IF YOU WANT TO FEEL LOVE, YOU HAVE TO GIVE LOVE. TRUE, MATURE WHOLE-HEARTED LOVE. NOT THE 12-YEAR-OLD KIND.