I show up here on Friends and Family now and then because I am codie too, in addition to being a recovered alcoholic.
I went through all and nothing trying to get sober. I couldn't figure it out. I was miserable drunk and miserable sober.
But, then, after another long period of ups and downs with staying sober and then relapsing....I realized it wasn't the consequences that motivated me to stay sober. They never did. No matter how bad a binge was, it didn't stop me from drinking the next time.
But then something else started happening. I started to see how good life was.
I know it sounds all mushy but instead of staying sober to avoid the consequences of drinking (always bad), I stayed sober to catch the possibilities of sobriety (always good). I didn't know a life with hope and energy, possibilities. I was a miserable child of two alcoholic parents. I didn't know how to be happy.
I never saw it, life, before.
I guess what I am trying to say is that life is what our perceptions of it is: my reality is based completely on how I see reality. These days, thanks to the steps, I know that I have to push aside the cobwebs of my perception and try to see what is really there.
What is really there is light and goodness and happiness, and before all I saw was darkness, badness and misery.
Oh, gosh, I have gone too far with this and I guess I am just babbling. sowwy.