My husband is proposing that we both apologize and move on - put it behind us. He says that I dwell on the past and he is trying to change.
He is QUACKING
He is saying and doing the same things as if he were still using. He is DRY, he has changed nothing.
I would suggest you go and work your 12 steps again, starting at step 1.
It is strange but once I worked those 12 steps in AA and again in Alanon, and then started LIVING those steps in ALL my affairs, the FEAR left. I did the footwork for the next correct (right) thing to do in my life, and ........................................... I have had no regrets now for almost 30 years.
As my 'insides' started to change, so changed the 'type of person' that was attracted to me. I no longer attract the 'sickies', I have some very beautiful people in my life. People who care enough to yank my chain when I am bsing myself (and others, lol).
You see, I died to get to AA. Yes died. The ER Doc was putting the TOD on my chart when my heart started on its own. So you can bet I hung on by my fingernails to stay in AA those first months.
Now as I stayed sober and did the steps and my life started to get better it also became very apparent that I was very co dependent also. Always trying to 'fix' others to make me more comfortable. So, I had to go to AlAnon with the same willingness that I went to AA, and again hang on by my fingernails some days.
I don't believe there is anyone on these boards that will tell you that this is easy, or that we can get 'it' by osmosis. NO it is a lot of hard painstaking work, but .................................. the results and the benefits are absolutely OUTSTANDING.
So, ......................................... (((((Donna))))) you have had 4 years now to see he is not the person you believed, wanted, hoped, him to be. The ball is again back in your court.
You have choices today. 1) you can stay exactly where you are, sitting in fear, or 2) you can increase your visits with your therapist, and get with your sponsor and start the steps over, paying particular attention when you get to them to Steps 4,5,6, & 7.
I will continue to hope and pray that you will take care of you.
Love and hugs,