((((((((((Donna))))))))))
My heart goes out to you. Your post hits so damn close to home its scary.
Holding firm to our boundaries is so important but so difficult sometimes.
In my case, I would see these glimmers of hope with my exah and I'd try to balance my desire to have the family I always thought I would have (the family I freakin' deserved in my mind) against the known danger of being in a relationship with someone who wasn't in recovery. I'd try to find a magical middle-ground where we could all live happily ever after.
Talk about magical thinking...
I'd think to myself...maybe I CAN have the family I want even if he's not in recovery. Maybe I can give a little bit here so I can gain alot over there. And ya know...little by little, the boundaries would move. The moves were imperceptible to the naked eye. Little by little...drop by drop...the boundaries would continue to move until one day the sh** hits the fan and I'm standing there wondering what the hell happened
The dish-throwing incident was a wake-up call. True enough. But lets not lose sight of the fact that without your recovery tools, you might not have seen the situation for what it is. You might have made excuses for his behavior or bought into the idea that it wasn't a big deal...not really. You see the situation for what it is and that, my dear, is recovery...bright, shiny recovery.... You're seeing things as they ARE. And that's huge.
Yes, the situation sucks but you've got everything you need to get where you need to go. You've got your recovery. And your recovery is shining brightly even if you don't see it or feel like it right now.
Loving hugs...((((((((((((Donna)))))))))))
Mary