LOOOOOOOOOOVE "A Handmaid's Tale".
I requested to bring this to another thread because it's something I'm struggling with with my family. My FIL, for example, completely doesn't understand the purpose of setting boundaries (FIL and MIL and SIL are basically boundary-free, and it's some sick ****), and 1) loves to lecture my AH like giving him a good talking-to will help the recovery process, and 2) pushes me to "realize" that my boundaries are "too harsh" for my AH to handle. My mom is on the other side telling me that I must do whatever is possible to keep the family together to raise these kids, even if my AH were to bathe in booze.
My FIL is very overbearing so I've been trying to urge them to, if they're so interested in AH's recovery, do a little research? Crack a book about it? Google it? But that side of the family are partiers who treat AH like a party-pooper who just took things too far and needs to get over it. On the other hand, I keep telling my mom that I need to prepare myself for the very real possibility that I could be a single parent again.
But on both sides, the parents are urging me to do the heavy-lifting, and it very much feels gendered, what with comments about "how men are" and my "job as the wife". There are some days when I just want to shake all of them for how ignorant it all is, both regarding recovery AND regarding the idea that all the emotional work in a relationship is the woman's duty.