I feel that he drank to cover up the bad feelings he was always having. I feel that the drinking was a symptom of a much deeper issue and that issue is still there, screaming at me constantly but RAH can't see it. How can he not see how angry he is all of the time for no reason???
I thought I had the most perfect and right reasons for being angry. Anger is one of the most common traits of the alcoholic, and believe me, I had it. I woke up angry and was angry all day and went to bed angry. I went for months without my husband and kids seeing me smile. I found an excuse in everything to blow up and resent my family.
Now, now that I am in recovery, it gives me a chill to think about how full of hatred I was. I spend my days being amazed at how much goodness life has given me, and how I didn't appreciate the gifts in life that I have been given. It's such a bittersweet feeling and I do feel sad sometimes at how much time I wasted feeling sorry for myself.
But...that is all about your husband. Your situation right now? You are a major codependent. You will never be able to change your husband. As I am living proof: I had to learn to find my happiness through recovery, all by myself. My husband could not have done a single thing to change me: I had to do it, for myself.
I would look at the financial arrangements first. He is economically dependent on you and he shouldn't be. Maybe sometime in the future he will recover, but, you are squandering your precious moments of life waiting for that to happen.
My husband waited: but we are coming up on 30 years married. I was not chronic when we first married. I didn't become a daily-all-day drinker until our kids were grown up. It was about 8 years of our married life that I fell into the depths of serious drinking. When I finally stopped I knew that "I'm sorry" wasn't good enough. I had to DO. I had to get into action. Recovery is not a thought: it is action, doing things.