Meggie
I am so sorry you are going through this conflict. I myself struggle with the guilt of my husbands A many days. Do I know I didn't cause this....yes. I am good with this most days. And that took many months to get there. But I still have days, where I question. In the five plus yrs he was using, what if I had figured out what was going on. What if instead of accusing him of having affairs, etc. I had figured out the truth & put my foot down then, would it have changed anything? Yes it would have. But most likely only changed the time frame. Through the five yrs I was confused, I shut him out, or berated him for his odd behaviors, and attacked him over all the lies I kept catching him in.
Planned my escape from the craziness.
But did I cause any of this? NO It was only my reaction to the craziness he was causing in our lives.
I struggle with what I know mentally & what I feel in my heart. I believe we all do. Some of us have more strong days than weak. Some of us are stronger than others. But IMO there is always some guilt whether it's right or not.
But you do have to let it go. It only serves to bring you down, and let him justify himself.
Thinking of you